Out of sorts

After the excitement early in the week, I feel like I'm vacillating towards one thing or another that I can't put my finger on. It must be because of the expected changes that are forthcoming.

First and most important is moving to another office, as in working for someone else, if things work out all right. I guess my worry is the adjustments necessary with a new work environment and new co-workers, if ever. I realize I've grown attached to this bunch of guys I'm working with now and we have established a bond that surprises even myself. So until everything is final, I sort of don't want to think about it, but can't help myself.

Secondly, is the longing and the drive to do something else entirely. This means junking office work again and going at it on my own -- doing what I like best, writing. See, I know that once I pick up on it again, it will slowly burn and kindle this need in me. Unfortunately, drafting letters and reports about constituent needs is not fulfilling. It can be very stagnating, too.

But then, there is the fear that I may not make the grade when I apply online, especially because it's a foreign company I am applying with, and clients from other countries with requirements I may not be familiar with, that I will be dealing with. So there's caution and trepidation.

The one thing driving me crazy is I cannot stand working for the BOSS much longer because of his demanding and whimsical ways, which turns everyone and everything topsy-turvy. And it worries me even more that the guys at the office no longer seem to want to get out. I swear, 5 years from now, they may regret the decision. Perhaps it's the thought that this is the last 3 year-term and they would rather just stick it out.

I never really saw myself with government for a long time. I see too many things that don't sit well with me and being in it, you can't help but be part of it, even when they are wrong, uncomfortable or downright stupid.

So I don't know what to do or feel or think or say... I guess I can only be thankful there are choices, as opposed to none. One bright spot for my day -- it's PAYDAY! Or something like that.